It’s 7 days until Christmas. Just one week left. My family just said goodbye to one of our most loved members, who passed only 13 days before. So sad to say these goodbyes, he was gone far too soon for our liking.

Now we face how to deal with leaving our family to head home. It’s hard to be so far away when there’s so many we love hurting. I feel like I’m still hurting too. I wish I could just snap out of grief for a few hours, put it up on the shelf and come back to it when it’s not Christmas, or when my littles don’t need me so much or maybe when I have 5 minutes to myself to just think. But I can’t. So I cope.

I’m sure my family agrees I’m not as happy and full of enthusiasm as I usually am at Christmas, and I feel like I’m jipping them of their super happy mama. For this I feel awful. But it’s almost like grief is a great big, heavy parka that I just can’t seem to get off. It just gets heavier each hour.

I proclaim that I will do my best to get this parka off by Christmas day, but I make no promises. I will try. I will use hygge as a means to self soothe, I will take notice of all the sweet little moments my littles have, and be super thankful for having my immediate family here and a loving, supportive husband.

I will pray for relief from this parka, and pray for clarity through this pea soup like fog I seem to be in. I’ll pray for others dealing with grief too.

It will be ok. I know it will. It just takes time to find a new normal.

Categories: Pioneering


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