Every few days, I go into my google pictures and look at how my life was.
Some of it wasn’t happy, but in those dark times, the brightest light, and my deepest motivation for change was my first three daughters.
At the time they were 7, 5, & 3. Now 20, 18 & 16.
When I look through the old photos I get overwhelmed with love and joy when I see their sweet faces. 💕
Followed shortly thereafter by feelings of devastation, dessertedness & dispair. 😰
Those years for me were so tough.
Re-entering the workforce after 9 years of being a stay at home mom, being a true single parent, trying desperately to keep my house so the kids would have a sense of stability. Disappointment of being unwanted and unloved. Nay sayers and doubters all around me.
✨ I did a kick ass job though, if I do say so myself.
Lots of therapy, love from family & friends.
My ex expected me to fail miserably.
Others didn’t know what to expect, including me.
But what happened, was something no one expected.
How much I would change throughout those hardships.
Years of hard work, perseverance, dedication to my kids and strong will, made me an entirely different person.
I no longer suffered from low self-esteem, poor self body image, feeling unworthy, feeling unloved, feeling miserable about who I was and what I had become.
I was given a new start!
A bright new future to mold anyway I see fit. I could totally immerse myself in my kids, without feeling bad about hurting my ex spouse’s feelings.
I could do things I truly enjoyed without feeling guilty!
I golfed, I went to Pilates, I went to concerts, spent entire days out on the riverbanks with the kids, feeling not a pang of guilt about the laundry sitting undone!
Freedom!! Freedom to be ME!!
When I see those pictures of the hard years, those unhappy feelings still stir, but when I come back to the present, it makes me so fulfilled, content and proud of myself.
Those new feeling are so helpful on days when I’m less than bursting with zest for life.
It is truly a gift. To experience that sense of gratitude and self acceptance.
And those feelings are also helpful in giving me a new desire to do even better when it comes to things I’m dealing with now.
Thankfully my everyday difficulties, are small in comparison to what I used to deal with back then.
But that is by design. I created a new life that I love.
With an amazing partner and three new bright lights added to our family of 5. Now we are a happy 8.
And when times of self doubt or frustration come calling, I look back through what was truly ‘hard times’. It is a great way to shake myself out of my funk and continue on with renewed positivity!
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Have a super rest of the week!
❤️ Peace and Love ☮️